SUCCESS STORIES

How do you describe the day to day agony and humiliation of being an alcoholic or drug addict? Substance abuse controls and destroys lives and makes people do things they would never dream of doing. How do you describe this insanity in such a way to make others understand just how devastating it really is? How do you explain a life without pride or integrity or peace of mind, not even a little? How do you describe the guilt and alienation from loved ones?  These four courageous women want to try, if for no other reason than to help you or someone you love understand the nature of substance abuse and to get help to start the journey toward recovery.

I never thought my life would have taken the route it has.  I was born to a family of strong, intelligent women.  My grandmother, mom, aunt and older sister are all wonderful women who helped mold me into the woman I am today.  I had a wonderful childhood.  All of my needs were met and probably ninety nine percent of my wants too.  When I was five years old my family moved from Baltimore, Maryland to Oakland, California and at the young age of 13 I began using drugs.

My drug use started as a social thing, smoking weed and cigarettes with my friends but quickly grew.  I was 16 years old when I began smoking crack cocaine.  Although it was fun at first, it took me from my great life to a life I never imagined I’d be living.  I went from only using on the weekends for fun to using everyday after school, and eventually all day long.  I realized I had a problem when this thing I was doing for fun with friends had taken over and I was now doing it constantly by myself.  As time went on, my friends had all stopped using, but I just wasn’t ready to stop myself.

As an adult, I continued to use drugs and I was doing anything to support my habit.  I stopped paying bills and my utilities were shut off, I was selling my food stamps and therefore had no food for my family.  I was using and manipulating any and everyone I thought I could and was disappointing my children all along the way.  My life was completely spinning out of control.  I was being evicted from every place I lived for not paying rent, I owed drug dealers a lot of money and I was fired from several jobs for not showing up.  I was degrading myself as a woman and as a mother until my oldest daughter gave me an ultimatum.  She said I needed to get clean or, with the help of my cousin, she would take my three year old son from me.

I decided to try to get clean for my children’s sake and checked into Center Point.  I was there for five months, but after I left I picked up right where I left off.  I was using drugs and using people until my cousin started talking to me about MSW.  I surrendered and came to MSW on October 15, 2008 and my life hasn’t been the same since.

I completed Residential Treatment at MSW and am currently attending Outpatient Treatment.  Today I am spiritually connected and have regained my self-esteem, self-worth and peace of mind.  MSW has given me the tools to cope when I’m depressed and has shown me how to be a woman of integrity again.  My best day using drugs is no where near as good as my worst day in recovery.

I’m so thankful that my children never gave up on me and that I’ve been given the chance to be the mother they always wanted me to be.  I keep doing the next right thing and everything seems to fall into place for me.  I have my own apartment, my own vehicle and a job I really like.  Before I begin each day, I thank God, say my prayers, read my meditation books and take my new life in recovery one day at a time.

Monica

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I started recreational drinking at the tender age of 15, but alcohol was just the beginning.  My drinking then led to experimenting with cigarettes, marijuana, ecstasy, cocaine, and other drugs.  What began as “recreation” and “experimentation,” quickly turned into a spiral of health problems, depression and an attempt on my life. 

I started having alcohol-induced seizures and even then I couldn’t stop drinking.  In fact, the drinking increased and worse yet, I was drinking while taking several heavy medications prescribed for depression. I realize now, that the depression was a result of my addiction. The medications led to severe weight gain and other health problems.  I reached my low point when I attempted suicide. I had cut my wrist so deeply, that I had 24 stitches. As a result, I now have permanent nerve damage. After being admitted to a Fairfield psychiatric ward for evaluation, I realized I was an addict and had a very serious problem.  

I was referred to a residential treatment facility for alcohol abuse and addiction.  For months I checked in and out of several facilities, but didn’t like what I saw. By the grace of God I found MSW.  From the moment I walked through the doors I knew this is where I belonged.  I got a referral from medical insurance, and immediately checked into treatment.  At first, I was really scared and extremely homesick. But I eventually made new friends, learned to surrender through the Serenity Prayer and even learned new coping skills to live my new clean and sober life. When it was time to leave MSW I didn’t want to go.

The love, support and encouragement from my fellow MSW sisters was overwhelming but I know some of them are still just a phone call away. Since I’ve left MSW, I’m no longer taking any medications and I’ve lost over 68 lbs! Thank you MSW for helping me get my life back.

Erika

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As a small child, I was labeled “gifted”, and I was “daddy’s girl”.  I excelled in academics very easily and my teachers suggested I skip a grade.  My mom was afraid that I wasn’t ready emotionally and decided against it…and maybe she was right.  But even at that young age, I had dreams and ambition.  I used to tell anyone who asked, that when I grew up, I was going to be a Sports Attorney and go to Stanford.  I felt it, I knew it, and I had the grades to prove it.  My father was especially proud.  He was my biggest supporter and teacher in life.  He was my world. 

My parents weren’t big drinkers, but I remember at a very young age, 10 or maybe younger, sneaking sips of beer at family gatherings and liking the taste of it.  Looking back, my addiction really started at age 12 when I started smoking weed.  By age 14, my parents divorced and that's really when things changed.  I was introduced to crack cocaine.  Out went my father, in came crack, in came crack, and out went my dreams and ambition. This is when my addiction took off and little did I know that it would last for the next 30 years! 

The progression of my addiction was slow with a steady progression.  You know…fun at first, then fun with consequences, then just consequences.  My mother, tried everything possible to help me graduate from high school, sent me to therapy, changed schools, disciplined, didn’t discipline, but nothing worked, because I didn’t care anymore, and consequently, I did not graduate.  I ended up getting a GED some years later.  Nothing was filling the void and devastation I felt, except crack and Budweiser.  With them I felt no pain, I felt what I thought was euphoria.  That euphoria and my insane thoughts led me to the depths of hell.  I left my family no choice but to disconnect from me.  I lost job after job, went to jail and was even homeless.  That’s how my life as a “gifted” child turned out.  I was an addict.

When I came to MSW, I didn’t believe they could help me.  I didn’t believe in AA, NA, or recovery programs.  But frankly, I was out of options.  I believed that if someone truly wanted to stop drinking and doing drugs, they would just stop, boy was I wrong!  I walked through those doors, with all my doubts, but also like a lump of clay ready to be molded.  I decided that even though I was skeptical, I would give this recovery thing my best shot, because really, what did I have to lose.  I had already lost everything.

MSW saved my life and made a believer out of me.  They helped me understand what was going on inside my brain, my heart, and my soul.  They began the process of helping remold me.  They provided the best therapists, Trauma Specialist, counselors, sponsor and had great food too.  But best of all they always provided a CARING AND UNDERSTANDING EAR.  The staff at MSW taught me how to forgive myself and to be gentle with myself and the “little girl” inside.  They taught me how to deal with life on life’s terms, but most importantly, they taught me how to LOVE ME!  Everything MSW suggested for my recovery, I DID.  It wasn’t easy.  I cried more healing tears in those 90 days, than I think I have my entire life.

Today, I live with my sister and am surrounded by family full of love and support.  My father is proud of me again and my mother is my biggest fan, supporter, and best friend.  I just completed my first semester of college with a 4.0 GPA. I’m planning to transfer to the University of California, Berkeley in two years and major in Mathematics.  As far as becoming a Sports Attorney and going to Stanford, who knows…now anything is possible.  Today, I can reach for the moon and grab the stars thanks to Marin Services for Women!!!!!

- Kim